When death hits a family, how they react partly depends on culture and family tradition. In the last few years, I’ve attended a three-day long visitation followed by a formal presentation, a crying fest in someone’s backyard and a clubhouse party of eats and greets. The Swopes have chosen to celebrate Dad’s passing in much the same way as he lived his life: in quiet dignity.
Like all people, Dad could rant and rave when he was passionate about a topic. But he did so only in front of family and a few friends. I cannot honestly remember him telling someone off. When we were growing up, mom’s biggest threat was, “wait until your father gets home,” but nothing ever happened once that big event arrived. Dad never raised a hand to strike anyone in his life that I know of, and though I suspect he would have defended anyone he loved that was threatened, God spared him that necessity.
I guess if I had to describe who Robert Swope was, I would use the words “respectful” and “respected.” He looked for the good in everyone to a level that caused him some pain in his life. But he also garnered respect himself because he was persistent in believing in the value of people and of his community. He believed in Edgerton—its school and its sports teams and its businesses. He believed in his country (though Democrats and Congress were two of the things he did rave about). He believed in his church and its ability to heal and support. He believed in his partner in marriage and loved her deeply. And he believed in the rest of his family—from the brother in Texas who he worried about even when he was in the middle of the fog of Alzheimers to his kids, whose names he could not remember at the end, but whose smiles and faces he would not forget. He knew who was family.
The world could use more people like my Dad: there are just too many people who believe in nothing or, even worse, believe they need to tell the rest of society how to live. He was an idealist, not a realist, but the world needs more people who haven’t been sullied by bitterness or ego.
I had the rare privilege of following my father around Edgerton a few summers as he “called upon” potential advertisers and editorial sources. I was still in college, and the experience has been one I’ve carried close to my heart ever since. What I saw as he talked to people was that, through his friendly attitude, his inquiries about their well-being and business, and his respect for their time, he had gained respect in turn.
There will be no grand speeches at Krill Funeral Home June 20 as we memorialize Bob Swope. Only the family members who loved him fiercely and some of the people in his hometown whose lives he touched. Dad would not want a fuss—he’d just want us all there.
Genilee Swope Parente
Tags: American values, death of loved one, Edgerton, family love, family values, funeral, hometown values, idealist, memorial service
Let’s face it folks. Sometimes life just up and slaps you in the face.
Usually when I write these blogs I’m talking about my own personal experience. This isn’t the case today. Even though my family lost its patriarch in January, he left quietly—Alzheimer’s slowly took him away.
Today I’m talking about my 18 year old friend who is facing surgery and terrified. She’s had way too many health problems for a vibrant, beautiful young woman and there is no way she should have to be going through this.
But courage, dear one, is accepting that life is not balanced: it’s sloppy and often painful. It makes no sense. It’s filled with oddities and absurdities and ridiculousness. It’s why people like me (authors) see life in terms of characters and stories.
Courage is remembering that life is also filled with a million small acts of wonder and love. It’s a first kiss from that guy who makes even your toes tingle. It’s a little sister who holds your hand and tries to make it better. It’s a mother whose heart is breaking but who tries not to show it. It’s lifting your head and seeing the golden sunshine and feeling the cool breeze, then realizing that the day is absolutely perfect. It’s the pleasure you get when you smell that perfume that always makes you feel feminine and alive.
© Semion88 | Dreamstime.com
It takes true courage to face something like surgery and get beyond the terror to remember the other side of living. But for every major mountain we face as humans, there are footholds and handholds to get us over it. For some, those holds are faith in God. For many, they are friends and family.
You’re facing a mighty mountain. But we’ll get you to the other side.
Genilee Swope Parente
Tags: afraid of surgery, Alzheimer's, being afraid, courage in life, enjoying life, family love, finding courage, life challenges, life's challenges, life's positives, life's rewards, looking at life, major surgery, mountain climbing, small rewards
My ex-Navy hubby and I were driving home from Pensacola last Monday, mulling over what a fantastic weekend we’d just spent at the reunion of the U.S.S. Coronado when I turned to him and said: “and a good time was had by all.”
It made both of us laugh—the grammar is so atrocious. But the sentiment is sometimes so appropriate.
The phrase is one that has stuck inside my head since the days of working at my hometown newspaper—we are talking WAY back when we had local neighboring village representatives that basically wrote gossip columns on social events in their necks of the country. None of the women could write worth a lick, but they were vital to that era and people read every word of their columns, which often ended with that phrase.
The words seem to pop into my head after any major event that has had me in a slight tizzy leading up to it because of the necessary planning or the hassle of preparation. After the dust has settled, the event concluded, I realize it was all worth it—everyone had a good time.
Such was certainly the case with the Pensacola trip. I did none of the planning—a crew from just after the years my husband served had put the whole wonderful weekend together. But we had to drive two days to get there and it was right before the Applebee’s book launch for mom and me, so the week leading up to the naval reunion was hectic. Still, the timing was perfect because it took my mind off the details of the launch, details that have plagued me for the last month and consumed a lot of my spare time.
Hubby and I didn’t know a soul going into that U.S.S. Coronado reunion. We listened to stories from the ship and swapped life’s details with a large roomful of people and by the end of two days, had many new friends. Meanwhile, I got to taste just a little bit of the part of my dear husband’s life that preceded me: the Navy.
A good time was truly had by all.
And when we returned home, it was finally time for the launch. I was biting my nails by the time it came…absolutely positive no one would come. That it would be me and my mom at a table with a sad little tray of cheese sticks and restaurant patrons walking by wondering why there were balloons.
Silly me.
We had a blast: the restaurant had put out the red carpet: literally. They’d also decorated the alcove where our event was held, made giant teaser signs with sayings from the books and put out loads of appetizers. Lo and behold, guests started arriving immediately and we had a crowded event the whole three hours. We sold loads of books, but even more importantly, we saw what a great support system we had and how many people still love to read enough to be thrilled to get autographed copies of books.
To Sara McElroy and Dennis Benson of Potomac Family Dining: what a terrific and wonderful launch you gave us. To the local restaurant staff: thank you for all your kind words and your cooperation (not to mention the yummy and bountiful treats). And to Applebee’s Grill and Bar: you really did make it a neighborhood event.
A good time was had by all.
Genilee Swope Parente
Tags: a good time, a good time was had by all, Applebee's, Applebee's event, Applebee's neighborhood event, book event, book launch, book signing, holding a book launch, naval reunion, party planning, planning a book event, planning a book launch, successful book party, USS Coronado, USS Coronado reunion
Two weeks to go until our book launch and I’m wondering how authors who are widely recognized and have a zillion books out ever do it! Somehow I cannot see James Patterson or Mary Higgins Clark keeping an excel spreadsheet in an attempt to keep organized.
Granted this is a first-ever event for both Applebee’s and these authors but I know the same ingredients must go into the mix of many significant book events: much nail biting, hours of planning, scratching at the doors of local media, multiple trips to the post office to drop off invites, many encouraging hurrahs from good friends who remember (when they get those invites) that you write books, quick trips around town to drop off fliers and beg for publicity, hours awake at night as ideas keep popping into your head and … most importantly … pure terror that when you arrive at your own event, the wind will be whistling a lonely tune through the mostly empty room.
I know the terror is unfounded―my husband and child love me enough to show up. My mom and I both have good friends. But this is a party and even though I haven’t planned one in several years, I used a magic formula one of my best friends gave me many years ago: Invite as diverse a mix of people as you can find so that when they show up, they’ll have some interesting conversations. For this party, I reached into every pocket of civilization I could think of to alert people in the community that we were celebrating, and they were invited.
It’s never failed me in the past … and hopefully it will make for a fascinating evening of mingling and fun.
I hope you’ll join mom and me May 14 between 4 and 7 for an evening that promises to be … exciting.–Genilee Swope Parente
FINAL INVITATION Swope Paren
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Tags: Applebee's, being an author, book event, book launch, celebrating a book launch, Dumfries event, James patterson, Mary Higgins Clark, planning a book event, planning a book launch, Spectacle Publishing Media Group, Twist of Fate, Violet Fate, Woodbridge event, wretched fate
Would this beginning to a book make you want to purchase it?
“Kill the kid.”
He sat looking at the sleeping child, who was dressed in a clean white T-shirt and shorts that had grown dingy in the week they’d been here. The blond curls were cut tight to the head like those of the angels he remembered from childhood Sunday school lessons.
“Kill the kid.”
The words echoed in his head, bouncing off the walls and returning to haunt him. Those three words had ended the conversation he’d had with his partner late last night. He knew she was right—they had to get rid of the evidence. Why hadn’t he done it yet?
Because our book launch is in a restaurant, we can’t do a book reading. Applebee’s wants two teaser posters with words from the book. But how do you choose a couple of sentences from an entire book? I chose part of the prologue because I’m particularly proud of one character Mom created in Violet Fate, and let’s just say, it isn’t the hero. Mom got into the mind of the bad guy long enough to give us a glimpse of motive, and I had a blast expanding on the villain’s story. Some of our favorite books are those in which the bad guy’s zeal for what he or she does captures the imagination. I think it eases our conscience when the person doing wicked or evil things is driven by passion and/or misfortune. We want a theory on why they do what they do.
Mom created enough facts in Violet Fate to make you wonder, and I gave you even more reasons to speculate.
Oh, and just to really leave you in a loop: here’s the end of that prologue. It’s what I’ve chosen for the second poster board:
Suddenly, he knew what he had to do. He picked the child up gently and carried the snoozing form down the wooded path to the lake, laying the small body gently on the ground, then bending over and taking off his shoes. The sand felt warm on his feet. Did that mean the water would be warm? He hoped so, though he didn’t understand his own thinking.
He shook himself, then scooped the child up close to his chest and slowly walked into the lake. When the water got to his upper chest, he lifted the body high above his head. The child stirred; eyelids flickered opened and he was staring into eyes so deep blue they looked purple.
He flung his burden as far as he could.
Do you want to know more about this villain? Good, then I’ve accomplished my objective.
–Genilee Swope Parente
Tags: Applebee's, Applebee's event, book launch, book teaser, buying books, killer's mind, murder mystery, prologue, sales incentive, sales teaser, villain's mind, villains, Violet Fate, writing book teaser
Mom and I got some exciting news this week, and we’d like your help with the planning.
We are launching book three, Violet Fate and re-launching books one and two, Twist of Fate and 
, at a special open house May 14 hosted by our local Applebee’s.
Why Applebee’s? Mom and I have been meeting there from almost the beginning of our collaboration. We needed a nearby restaurant that was comfortable, had good food (since we go there so much), and was reasonably priced. Applebee’s changes their menu enough that we are still going there almost four years later. But the real reason is because we acknowledge the wait staff in our first book. They’ve listened to mom and I discuss how to poison someone and get away with it, how to murder a person in the middle of a blizzard, how to steal valuables from an entirely locked up house and many other juicy tidbits. They’ve also listened to us lament about how hard it is to market a book, how rewarding it is to talk about what we’re doing and how in the heck we became authors in the first place.
It seemed logical that we would hold a special event in our neighborhood grill and bar, and when I contacted corporate Applebee’s, I was met with much enthusiasm. The local franchise owner, Potomac Family Dining Group, also jumped on board, and we’re now all planning this event together.
What we need from our blog readers is suggestions for what to do at the event, how to attract attendees and what giveaways might be appropriate for an author. We want to make this occasion fun for our readers.
We also want to attract the attention of local media so let us know what newspapers you read, radio stations you listen to and television stations you watch.
And please come anytime between 4 and 7 p.m. and join the fun:
May 14, Applebee’s Grill & Bar, 3330 Pine Bluff Drive (on Jefferson Davis Highway), Dumfries, VA 22026
Genilee Swope Parente
Tags: Applebee's, attracting media attention, becoming authors, book celebration, book launch, book marketing, book party, creative writing marketing, getting readers help, launching a book, launching a series, local book event, local restaurant event, mystery novels, special event, Twist of Fate, upcoming Woodbridge VA events, Violet Fate, Woodbridge VA, wretched fate
Dreamstime
Easter is one of the most religious holidays of the year: a celebration of Christ rising above the horror of crucifixion to be reborn and give the world hope. So I’ve often wondered how a bunny with big floppy ears became the symbol of this holiday and why that bunny hides eggs and candy around our homes?
I looked on the Internet for a connection between the holiness and the holiday we created for our kids. The truth is that modern day traditions evolved from many sources.
Both the eggs and the rabbit have a long history in many cultures. The bunny didn’t used to have floppy ears—its predecessor was the more stately, larger hare. But its origin stretches back to the 13th century: hares were a symbol of fertility and the creatures were believed to be the constant companion of Eostre, the Anglo-Saxon Goddess of Spring.
Hiding eggs, on the other hand, may have a more practical origin. In many Christian religions, eggs were one of the forbidden foods during Lent. But chickens didn’t know that, and they didn’t stop producing their dairy product just so their owners wouldn’t be tempted. Many sources speculate that hard-boiling those eggs could have been a way to preserve them and hiding them a way of keeping them out of sight. Bringing them out at Easter would have been a celebration of the end of Lent.
Decorating eggs, on the other hand, stretches as far back as 60,000 years ago when Africans created some pretty impressive art pieces out of Ostrich eggs. How our modern-day chicken eggs are decorated during the holiday has differed from culture to culture. The early Christians of Mesopotamia, for example, stained eggs red in memory of the blood of Christ, and some areas of the world still do that.
The hare and egg were already firmly cemented as a team by the time they were transported to the U.S. by German Lutherans who settled in Pennsylvania during the 1700s. Those settlers brought with them the Osterhase, a German hare who bears gifts at Easter. Children would built “nests” in their bonnets or caps and hide them away in the barn or a garden. If those kids were good, the hare would visit their homes and lay colored eggs in the nests.
Rabbit-shaped candy is also a pretty old development. One web source reports the Germans created the first candy Easter bunnies in the 1800s from sugar and pastry. Germany and most of Europe perfected both chocolate bunnies and chocolate eggs long before they became popular here in this nation. About the only thing the U.S. may get credit for is making those bunnies hollow: that happened during World War II, when the need to ration everything was so critical.
No matter how any of this began, the mixing of the traditions, cultures and religions is the true origin of the modern-day celebration. By since I’m a mystery writer, I do want to leave you with a possible answer to the greatest mystery of all: why is it a bunny who delivers the eggs? Why not the Easter chicken or better yet, the Easter Ostrich?
The goddess of spring may be responsible for the rabbit and egg combination. Nordic legend says the goddess was late in her duties one year. As a result, a little bird’s wings were so injured by the lingering cold, it could no longer fly and faced starvation. The goddess felt so badly for the creature, she turned it into a hare and gave it the ability to lay eggs once a year. That’s not much of a superpower, but it’s a cool story to distract our kids as we sneak into the jellybeans.
—Genilee Swope Parente
Dreamstime
In the blog I wrote following my emergency hospital visit, I talked about an unhappy coincidence: ending up in the same room where my dad was taken when he was first diagnosed with what would eventually take his life. It was a chilling incident. This week, mom and I experienced a more positive kind of “it’s a small world” situation.
We were attending the first book event of this year: an arts and crafts fair at Ft. Belvoir. After the terrible beginning to 2015, it felt great just to be out, talking to people about how much we love writing books. I kept glancing at the woman whose booth was catty corner to ours. She was friendly and had smiled our way several times as she painstakingly dragged out pillows and stuffed animals and other goods she’d handcrafted. I almost offered to help her because I felt so sorry for how hard she was working to set up her extensive collection. She also seemed so familiar to me that I could visualize what her voice sounded like. When we did finally stop in our preparations for the fair and approached each other, she sounded just like I’d imagined. Within minutes of exchanging pleasantries, I found out that she does extensive volunteer work, including taking her dog around to medical facilities. Then I knew.
“Where do you visit?” I asked too loudly.
Her eyes widened slightly, but she rattled off a few places. They included the rest home where Dad spent just a little over a week before passing.
“I knew it. I knew it. I met you.”
Then she remembered as well. In fact, she remembered what room we were in when she and two other volunteers brought their dogs through and stopped to cheer mom and I, and my two sisters up. We had gathered to talk to the administrator who had gone to bat to get dad admitted and were awaiting an appointment to finalize details.
We were very much in need of some cheer and the dogs and the friendly ladies showing them provided a moment of respite from sorrow.
In a metropolitan area like ours, that kind of coincidence is pretty shocking. The rest home was 30 miles away from where we live, which is another 15 miles away from where the arts and crafts fair was held. And there are millions of people in all those miles. Yet here was a woman I’d met by chance and even shared a hug at the door as we said our goodbyes at the rest home. She’d promised to pray for our family that dad would be admitted. I guess it worked.
When I told my little sister and fellow author Allyn Stotz this story, she was amazed, but wasn’t surprised. Allyn is also from a large metropolitan area—Baton Rouge, Louisiana. She’d been to her first book event several weeks before. She was talking to a woman who loved Allyn’s current books and mentioned that her neighbor, an illustrator, had just had her first picture book published. When the woman shared what that book was about, the two discovered the illustrator was the very same woman who is helping Allyn with her next book!
It truly is a small world … or at least it feels that way sometimes. It makes you wonder how many times you bump into someone whose path may have crossed yours at some point without either of you knowing it!
Genilee Swope Parente
Tags: Allyn Stotz, amazing circumstance, amazing coincidence, arts and krafts, author fair, book fairs, book marketing, coincidence, dog visits, Ft. Belvoir, it's a small world, karma, running into someone, small world, Stotz, writing books
It’s spring … oh, okay, maybe not yet. But it’s definitely time for spring, if you measure the length and severity of this winter. Just talk to anyone from Boston or Montreal, and you’ll see in their shell-shocked, still frozen eyeballs how badly we all need the season to get here. In fact, if you listen closely, you’ll probably hear the whispered chant: “6:45 P.M. March 20–if I can just make it to 6:45 P.M. March 20 …”
That’s the official time that spring begins in Eastern Daylight Time.
It’s been a hard and long winter and we all deserve the rebirth and rejuvenation we associate with this season. The English definition of “spring” is to pounce, to leap, to jump into activity. Water bubbling up from the ground is called: a spring.
So let’s pounce. Let’s bounce off the bleakness and cold of a severe winter and get into action.
For me and for mom that will mean looking forward to marketing and talking about our latest book: Violet Fate. It’s our favorite so far, but it came out during the worst winter of our life. We experienced the kind of loss that stops all action and all desire to plan the future—we lost my father, her husband.
As we were driving this week to pick up his last effects, we talked about what we are feeling now. We are still reeling, but we want to move forward again. And one of the feelings we recognize, when it comes to getting published is astonishment: who could have imagined just a few years ago that mom and I would have three books out and three more in action. Who would have thought that my sister Allyn would be a successful children’s book author with even more books in action than us or that she would inspire us to pursue this dream? Who could have imagined that mom and I would ever be called a “mother/daughter writing duo,” would appear on television, would give talks all over Northern Virginia? Who could have predicted Mom and I and Allyn would sweat together through the ups and downs of getting published.
We had to put our talks with Applebee’s about an official launch on hold to get through the loss of this winter. But we’re talking to them again, and we’re going to make it happen with one change: it will be a book party—a celebration of the surprises life has in store. Some of those surprises may include sub-zero weather and mounds of snow … and soul-wrenching grief. But others will start with what inevitably happens in spring: a seed germinates, spreads its tiny sprout through the nourishment of the soil where it’s placed, sticks its little head through to the sunshine, and if give enough food: grows into plants and finally flowers.
Genilee Swope Parente
Tags: beginning of spring, being authors, getting through grief, getting through winter, grief, inspirational moments, losing loved ones, meaning of spring, rebirth, rejuvenation, spring, Twist of Fate, Violet Fate, wretched fate, writing delays, writing restarts
Sometimes you don’t have to look far to find the mysteries, the wonder, the tragedy or the ironies in life that make a good plot. My readers haven’t heard from me because of a recent tragedy. They are hearing from me now because of an irony.
As my Facebook and local friends know, my family lost my father in February. He has suffered from Advanced Alzheimer’s for several years, went into the hospital with pneumonia, then came out with a diagnosis of lung cancer. After a short, heart-rending struggle to find him a stable environment, we had him in a place that could care for him—he lasted one week before passing away, shocking all of us and providing me one of the greatest sadnesses of my life.
The pain of that loss is too fresh and deep to put into words. And while I’ve lost myself in working on book four to keep my mind off the negative, I’ve been unable to be write down anything personal. A good conk on the head is just the cure.
Last Friday, I kissed my daughter goodnight, climbed the stairs (she has a room in the basement), went to the kitchen for my usual big cup of water and woke up on the kitchen floor. My daughter, her friend and my husband were hovering over me with horrified faces. I just lay there not understanding what was going on until I moved my hand to my head and came back with a very bloody hand. I don’t remember how I tripped; I only knew I was faint when I tried to get up. I spent the next few minutes trying not to pass out with the help of my daughter, my husband, then the EMS personnel. I feel sorry for the poor EMS driver who listened to me babble all the way to the hospital as we worked together to keep me awake.
Dreamstime
My husband and I were in the emergency room for about four and a half hours. I knew I was going to be fine pretty soon after we arrived. The dizziness passed quickly; a cat scan showed no damage; I just had a deep cut to the scalp, which caused the severe bleeding and probably the faintness. But as I lay there so long, chatting with my dear husband, who was trying to get comfortable in a little plastic chair, I couldn’t help being overwhelmed by the reality that after the last few years of being the one in that little plastic chair while mom, then dad lay on the gurney, it was me staring at the ceiling. I have only been to the emergency room once as a patient and that was when I was sixteen. It had been just five weeks since the trip with my dad to the hospital for pneumonia. Mom and I had sat that terrible night for 12 hours trying to keep ourselves positive and awake by doing crossword puzzles and waiting for dad to get a hospital room.
However, that’s not the irony. After everything was stable, I had my stitches and was waiting for release forms, I finally got up from the gurney to visit the ladies room. I realized then as I was shuffling out towards the restroom that not only was I taken to the same emergency facility as dad, I was in the very same room.
Guess I’ll do ANYthing to come with a subject for a blog!!!!
Genilee Swope Parente
Tags: conch on head, creative writing, emergency response, fiction subjects, fiction topics, finding plot material, finding writing material, hospital rooms, ironic subject matter, irony, plot material, plots, tragedy, Twist of Fate, Violet Fate, wretched fate, writing about life, writing materials
swopeparente 